I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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