OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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