the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just cropdusted the office
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
