I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And then my night got REAL pukey
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
