Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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