if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
