Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
