Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
