...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
