Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
