Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
