Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
