Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize