so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
