I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
