At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
