why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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