oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
