I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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