Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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