p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
