If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
