i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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