That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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