I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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