She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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