somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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