Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
