I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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