can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
