and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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