Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
