nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
