Your mouth is God's brothel.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
