i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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