shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
