So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
