Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
