Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
