After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
