So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
