Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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