wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
