Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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