so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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