God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
