If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
