you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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