I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
