so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
