we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
