my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My ATM looks so different sober.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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