I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
