I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
