my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well you can't waste a boner
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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