My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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