There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
