i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
