After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
