i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
