...so i touched it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
