smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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