Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
