Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
