my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
