my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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