Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
