don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
love makes seman taste better
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
