You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
