the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
