I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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