I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
