Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
