i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
